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Byron Loker

@ Sunday Times Books LIVE

Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Black cat

So I Iost one of my four temporary charges–three black cats and a black dog–for a day and it was a short trip from there to despair and searching of the soul and such matters. I got to thinking about how I should be somewhere else, in my own home (with my own dog) and not wearing someone else’s for a week like a sorry hermit crab, talking to someone else’s beloved pets like a crazy man–they just stare back in what looks like alarm and then bolt and hide for as long as they’re hungry–and to hell with cats anyway, who just want to run away for good as soon as they find the gap to a better life.


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Charlie’s good food

I drove a ski-boat down to Alexandria, Minnesota for something called “winterization”, listening all the way to the country music stations popping up from town to town: Tim McGraw singing how he’ll always be, and another man singing them pantyhose ain’t stayin’ on for long if the DJ puts Bon Jovi on.


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VIDEO & PRESS RELEASE: First ever Joburg surfing team scores at SA Interclub Championships


The Joburg Boardriders, South Africa's first ever landlocked surf team. From left to right: Nathan Gernetzky, Shane Rielly (manager) , Shane Warren, Byron Loker, Kevin Trevaskis, Tasha Mentasti and Dominic Barnardt (photographer).

The Joburg Boardriders, South Africa’s first ever landlocked surf team. From left to right: Nathan Gernetzky, Shane Rielly (manager), Shane Warren, Byron Loker, Kevin Trevaskis, Tasha Mentasti and Dominic Barnardt (photographer).


YouTube Preview Image


Hailing from the “mining town” of Johannesburg, aka “the big smoke”, the Joburgboardriders Club became the first ever landlocked team in South Africa to compete in a national surfing event—the 2016 Billabong SA Interclub Surfing Championships—held this past weekend near Cape St. Francis, site of the legendary Bruce’s Beauties break.

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Launching a short film crowd-funding project!

Dear friends,

Thanks for stopping by, much appreciated. To cut to the chase: I am crowd-funding the production of my first short film as director, working title ‘Irregardless’. It was written by American screenwriter John Porter (writer of the feature ‘Lost Mother‘), in whom I have found a kindred spirit and hope to collaborate with on many a film project in the future.

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Board members

Pierre de Villiers

SUNSET INDUSTRY: Scarborough-based Pierre de Villiers is known for his eclectic but thoroughly big-wave tested surfboard shapes. Photo BYRON LOKER

Published in The Times newspaper, Oct 7, 2015

As a surfer of limited means (which many of us tend to be for some reason), I have always had a rather fraught relationship with the tools of the trade, so to speak. When it comes to the acquisition of “new” surfboards, I usually scour the second-hand surf-shops and Cash Converters of the neighbourhood where I happen to find myself resident and fetch up the cheapest, most serviceable-looking shape I can find—beggars can’t be choosers, as they say. (more…)

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Death in Venice part I

Then there was the time while I was living in the English Professor’s home in Kalk Bay and wondering what to do with my life, that I got Depression really badly and nearly died. I had stopped taking the medication a year previously because I thought I was fine and cured and would be OK, but, as it turns out, I wasn’t.

At the worst time of it I couldn’t get out of bed for four days, except to take a piss. Eventually, I knew I had to get up and go outside and try to do something to stay alive when I couldn’t even get up to take a piss anymore. I still had the job then where I would work on the Internet all day copying and pasting things, so I could work from home most days of the week and not get out of bed on those days, and not manage to eat anything. (more…)

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Shadowman: A Jo’burg-set superhero TV pilot pitch

So I’m thinking about having a go at creating a Saffrican surperhero TV or Web series, and thought it might be fun to share some ideas here. Below is a draft of a pilot. It’s very much genre formulaic, modelled off a screenplay that I found on, optioned from American writer James Thornton and added a little local flavour. I’d very much welcome feedback, suggestions, storyline ideas, a million dollars to make the pilot, what have you. Anybody reckon I could give Mr. Blomkamp a run for the big bucks?



DOWNLOAD (PDF) –> Shadowman (working title) a screenplay by JE Thornton & Byron Loker 


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Eddie would go

GHANA GO: Finding surfing deep in Africa is a hit and miss afair. PHOTO: John Callahan/Surfexplore

GHANA GO THERE: Finding surfing deep in Africa is a hit and miss affair. Image by: John Callahan/Surfexplore

Featured by —’surfing’s definitive online community’.

Now that my friend Kev has quit the cocaine and the film industry and the women of loose morals, he works for another of our best friends, Los the Boss, in Johannesburg, project managing the building of things like fast food chicken restaurants and stores in malls for flat screen TVs and mobile phone consortia. (I too work for Los the Boss now but that’s a different story).

There is absolutely no surf in Johannesburg but quite often Kev has to head up north into other African countries where those above types of companies are making more money because South Africa is going down the toilet. Recently Kev went to Ghana where there is surf and when he came back I was there to meet him at the airport. ‘So, I’ve got a story for you,’ he says when we are in the car. (more…)

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Mine bosses head for the hills

Johannesburg, Sep 14th, 2012 — In the wake of crippling strikes that have brought mining operations to their knees on South Africa’s Highveld, fleets of luxury German sports utility vehicles have been seen speeding away from heavily fortified security gates at the entrances to six of the country’s top tantalum, niobium and potash producers.

“Not since 1994 have I seen such a mobilisation of armoured personnel carriers,” commented P.O. Wekker from his final resting place in a gutter moments before he died from injuries sustained from being driven over from the back by a black BMW X5 with flashing blue lights. “It’s like they’re running away from something or something,” he said with his last breath. (more…)

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Daylight robbery

Tik kop. The roll of film that I processed after the return of my camera turned up three frames that showed a remarkable grasp by the thief and or his accomplices of F-stop and exposure; composition not so much.

A few weeks before I left to go and try to live in the United States for reasons not very clear to me or anyone else, I made what I thought very likely at the time my last trip to Elands Bay, a beloved place to me. A small crew we were that trip: two old mates, wives (two) and children (three). We camped, as we always have since our very first trip there in 1988, at the camp-ground down on the beach, in front of the hotel. We pitched our tents, made our camp-fires, drank beer, told our stories to the children, and settled in for the night, spirits buoyed by the nearby rumblings of surf. (more…)

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